(Btw Sorry for the wait on the book. But It wasn't ready for that March release and judging by the way I'm cutting and adding stuff it probably won't be ready in April either. But when it comes out, signed copies for all for making)
1. Apologized for that comment about tattooed woman. I should have told you that while i like tattooed women, that you are great with no tattoos,That your natural, un-inked, skin is like a painting, and carries with it something hidden and classic and sexy, and that tattooed girls are like motorcycles and cocaine, risky luxuries that ultimately aren't for me.
2. Went on a cruise with. The thought of us together in a small cabin somewhere sailing over the Atlantic (or Pacific, your choice.) is so romantic I can hardly stand it without throwing myself in to a dank despair at the idea it won't ever happen. I'm the opposite of clastrobic, claustromaniac I'm told it is. i enjoy tiny spaces and being held up in them and i enjoy your bare legs against mine and to spend a week with you on a ship seems like magic, seems kind of like heaven. We could of got ripped-out-the-frame drunk and smoked cigarettes like we'd never need lungs and the next morning we could zombie about the deck and smell salt in the air and you could tan and i could people watch and maybe we could go swim with manta rays. I like the way they have wing-like fins, they seem like a creature God made after talking to Salvidor Dali
3. Taken a tour of a museum and have someone explain to us why paintings are good. Then we could of have gotten into an argument on the walk to the train station about whether the tour guide was right. And on the train we'd mildly resent each other, because both of us are smart and neither of us was wrong but then back at the apartment we'd fuck each other selflessly and eat and watch Mad Men and we wouldn't argue because we both know mad men is good is we don't need anyone to explain why.
4. I wish we could have collected loose change for a year, split the money evenly and bought the other one surprise gift.
5. I wish i would have fucked you harder during that thunder storm that last the whole day. The thunder boomed so loud it triggered car alarms. You told me you feel bad for animals during storms like that, I agreed thinking it childish but you were sincere. The lighting cut through walls it seemed, like divine x-rays or some being not bound by our 3-dimensional restrictions. I think about how, with the windows cracked, the temperature in my room was perfect. I think about that rain breeze and I think about your legs on mine and i feel alive the way Neruda most have when he wrote Always.
6.Fucked in more parking lots. We were 8 months in and yes sometimes lethargy leads us to prosaic nights indoors but other times adventure and whiskey led us to sex in public and conversations so voracious and spirited they were nearly as good as fucking.
(Ok no more about fucking, i know you have a man now)
(Also no more involving booze)
(Ok no more about fucking, i know you have a man now)
(Also no more involving booze)
7. I should have told you about 2010 and how it was almost all over for me, and how i still get the shakes.
8. I should have tried to understand your shakes better. But to be fair you didn't make it easy, but nothing worth the long haul is easy.
9. Carried you to bed more often when you feel asleep on the couch or in the basement after you drank too much. It made me feel like a man, you made me feel capable of providing and protecting and i don't always feel that way because i'm constantly in danger and in desire. The Buddha says to end desire is to end suffering but sometimes i think the Buddha talks outta his ass.
10. I should of let you know that i was bullied and beat up and rejected. I think i put up a front that made you sympathize less when i acted like a baby. Although i think i acted like a baby too much. Too bad they don't make adult pacifiers.
11. I should of played in your hair more. I should have cherished your hair like it was fucking Egyptian silk or French wine or Colombian blow. I should have washed it for you and brushed it and wrote 2 poems a day to it. I should have let your hair motivate me to get a promotion and knock you up so our kids could have inherited your hair. And when our daughter brought over a suitor I'd chase them away claiming they only want you for your hair.
12. We should have got matching gym shoes like annoying instagram couples cause even though that annoys the piss outta me it also makes me a little jealous and i think the jealousy of strangers is a silent fuel for relationships. I almost deleted that one but i know you get it.
13. ....
14. We should have laughed more in general. Your snaggle teeth and puesdo-asshole sounding cackle "gave me life." Thats what all you dramatic girls are saying now right? Gave me life. As if your mother and God and atoms did nothing.
15. I guess we're all something different behind closed doors with our pants off.
