Darling, keep your mouth closed.

I enjoy the company of women.
Talking, kissing, hugging, boning and every act in between.
I love women like people love sports.
I wish they made fitted hats where the team logo was replaced with a picture of a vagina or a set of boobs or something, I'd rock a number 23 jersey if it had a girl spread eagle on the front.
I love women like bears loves salmon.
I love women like N.A.S.A loves space.
I love women like Amy Whinehouse loves cocaine.
I love women like white people love ranch dressing. (Seriously, I seen them put it on pizza.)
And of all the things you can do with a women my favorite by far is cuddling.
Cuddling after sex thou, I can't sleep comfortably with an erection, especially since I sleep on my stomach. It's like doing a cock push up by accident. Like a mustang driving straight into a brick wall.
Few feelings come close to laying in bed with a girl and knowing that for at least one night, you don't have to be lonely, that at least tonight someone is thinking about you.
Our beds are the most personal, intimate, safe place most of us have.
And to share that almost holy comfort zone is one of the greatest displays of affection and devotion you can show. (The second greatest is swallowing, the third is taking it in the booty hole.)Drunk or sober.
Love or Lust.
Best friend or some broad you met in the lobby of your building one night when you were piss drunk and half stoned. (Too personal?)Nothing matters in those fleeting moments of consciousness before you drift into the numbing yet divine blanket of sleep.
Everything becomes still and equal as you and your partner ( or partners) lay close and together.
In the quiet of the night, darkness crawls up the walls and the two of you are content until the morning.
Which brings me to the point of this entry, morning breath.I've been lucky enough to share the same bed with quite a few lovely ladies in my day.
From beautiful actresses to limber dancers.
And a few ladies I had to throw away my sheets afterwards.Women from all different spectrum's.
But no matter how unique the girl is one factor remains true in every case.
Women have terrible morning breath.
Putrid, vile, and rank
And it seems to be the prettier the face the more haggard the scent of her breath.
One time I awoke to several hot exhalations on the back off my neck, it felt like someone was pointing a blow dryer at me.
This other instance I rolled over to face her and was hit in the face with a moist gust that smelled like fungus.
One of the most attractive girls I've had the pleasure of bedding had the breath of a buffalo, an 83 year old half dead buffalo with halitosis.Breath as bitter has pickles and scents as rancid as dirty socks dipped in chitterlings water.
Shit smoothies.
Toe nails and Tootsie rolls.
Hot sauce on a hippo.
I'm sorry to tell you girls this but I think the feminine body releases some kind of chemical during sleep that makes your shit stink like you've been chewing on burnt hair.
Basically what I'm saying is set an early alarm for about 6:30 am whenever you share your bed.Use that time to get a hold of some Listerine, gargle, then hop back in.